Stock Market Satire

The stock market reacted positively to the news that Obama won the US election with the ASX200 rising 0.7% to 4516. Then the news that Obama won the US election sent markets tumbling with the S&P500 falling 2.37% to 1394.

Austrian daredevil Baumgartner was forced to abort his planned jump down to earth from space sending stocks tumbling. The S&P 500 fell 0.99% to 1441.

Stocks were down slightly today as investors had the sniffles. The S&P 500 fell 0.35% to 1456.

Stocks were up today after a parrot-headed dinosaur fossil was found. The S&P 500 was up 0.36% to 1451.

Stocks rebounded today after the Hubble telescope captured groudbreaking images of the universe. The S&P 500 finished up 0.96% to 1447.

Stocks fell for the 3rd day in a row after investors had trouble sleeping. The S&P 500 finished the day down 0.57% to 1433.

Stocks have fallen after it was revealed that the world could face a bacon shortage next year. The S&P 500 fell 1.05% to 1441.

Stocks slipped today after someone forgot to dry the floor. The S&P 500 fell 0.22% to 1456.

Stocks were steady as investors waited for their exam results. The S&P 500 finished at 1460.

Bad weather made investors pessimistic and sent the S&P 500 down 0.13% to 1459.